Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Shitty places to be during an earthquake in DC

Just survived my first (hopefully last!) earthquake. Coincidence that the Virginia midterm primaries were today? Perhaps not, my conspiracy theorist friends (I'm sure this had to do with the fact that the DC area is so liberal, right Rick Perry?).

I was at Home Depot in the paint department, surrounded by really heavy gallons of paint stacked two stories high on shelves wildly shaking, which got me thinking about other shitty places to be in during a 5.9 quake...

*Metro under Capitol Hill stop, as there is a risk that Tea Party members will flood into station screaming, "It's the Apocalypse! Sarah and Rick were right!!!"
*Having sex with a random one night stand who turns out to be sketchy: "See baby, I can make the earth shake."
*Bench pressing weights at Fitness First in Bethesda- not only are you under a huge barbell, but you are in a basement surrounded by a bunch of iron and young professionals trying to look cool while being totally freaked out.
*Having heart surgery.
*White House Situation Room with Cheney- Osama might be dead, but perhaps we could come up with a way to blame this shit on Al Qaeda.

Keep it shakin', friends!

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